Loving a Sociopath

Have you ever dated a sociopath? Or worse, fallen in love with one?

I did but it took me awhile to realize what he was.

In a general sense, a sociopath is someone who lacks moral responsibility and social conscience.

I don’t regret falling for him. I’m actually thankful. If it weren’t for him, I wouldn’t have discovered that sociopaths actually exist and not just a term I believed in theory.

Although I have given you the general idea of what a sociopath means, here’s a rundown of red flags in my own personal experience from loving one:

RED FLAG 1: He is manipulative and lies to you over and over again.

He lies to get his way and wouldn’t even feel bad about it. Sometimes, he has mastered this skill so well it would seem that he’s already telling the truth. His first instinct after getting caught from his own web of lies is to find a way to pin the blame on you. He will manipulate you and let you think that he only did the things he did because of what you did. He will not own up to his actions. He expects you to take all the emotional stress of his constant lying and manipulation.

This is an unending cycle. Words like “I only lied because I didn’t want you to get hurt” will be thrown here and there once in awhile. It’s as if lying to you has become a habit and he’s only lying to make you happy.

RED FLAG 2: He makes you question your worth.

Due to excessive manipulation, he will establish an image in your head that you are blessed to have him in your life and you should be thankful. He will make you feel that abusing you emotionally and mentally is worth the trouble because he will map an image of a perfect life with him. He promises you of a good future with him as long as you put up with him and take it all in.

He will make you feel inadequate and in the constant need to keep him interested because if you don’t, he will make you feel like it’s your fault why he cheated.

RED FLAG 3: He cheated, currently cheating or will cheat.

Whether it’s emotional or physical cheating, it is still cheating.

He will make you feel like it was your fault. He will also try to justify why he cheated. There will be times that he’ll make you feel like the deed itself is nothing you should be worried about. He will make it sound like it has nothing to do with what he really feels about you and having sex with someone else is just like washing the dishes – it’s normal.

Excuses like “I was drunk so I slept with her” and “I was angry at the time because of what you did” will haunt you.

The most disturbing part of this red flag is when he’ll bluntly say you’re making it a big deal and he’ll call you crazy --- and you’ll believe it.

RED FLAG 4: He lacks remorse and empathy.

Have you ever wondered why every time you share a very sensitive story to him, there’s always that eerie feeling that the emotions are not getting across as you initially hoped for? He will try to say something nice but it would take him some time to come up with something to say. He’d say something because he feels the need to and not because he actually cares. It is going to be hard for him to follow through with this type of conversation because he doesn’t know how it feels and he can’t put himself in your shoes.

He doesn’t love you. Maybe just the idea of you but not you. I once asked him, “What do you love about me?” and he responded with shallow ideas of romance:

• Because we’re going to have beautiful babies

• Because you’re smart

• Because you’re very determined and we have a good future ahead of us

It felt like he was looking for someone to fill up a job for him.

I answered the same question:

• Because I love how your complaints and rants entertain me

• Because I love how we amuse each other with our sarcasm

• Because you feel like home

You know what he said after hearing what I had to say? He mocked me and made me feel like the things I said was stupid. He was expecting adjectives to lift his ego. I gave him reasons that was very specific to him and how he made me feel.

He is capable of putting on a grand show and act like he’s in love – but he is not capable of truly loving someone.

RED FLAG 5: You are a mean to an end.

He’s getting something from you but he’ll make you feel like you’re gaining more from dating him. Either he’s dating you for amusement, money or reputation. You are giving him something that he truly enjoys having because he knows he can manipulate you into giving it to him. Having you in his life makes him feel better because of what you already have or what you are capable of giving him in the future. Your relationship for him is entirely self-serving.

Figure out what he wants from you and you’ll see signs of him trying to get it from you as soon as he can.

If at least half of the red flags have been raised at this point in your relationship, ask yourself “Is it worth it?”

When I finally realized what kind of man he really is, I said to myself “I deserve better”.

It would take a lot of courage to leave a sociopath since you’ve been exploited and filled with self-blame and self-hatred throughout the whole relationship. You’ve been manipulated that your decisions are irrational and stupid.

Leaving him is going to be a win for you and if you’re worth more than what he deserves, he’ll realized it and will hate the loss. He’s not used to losing especially when he’s not the one who got rid of you. He won’t like it. He will lash out one way or another and make you feel even worse. Be strong. He will put you so far down it will change you.

Leave as soon as you can. Believe me, life is better without him.